The Letter "F"

So was @ work earlier on today and my work buddies and I were chatting about how Ghanaian women like the Letter "F"

So we came up with a couple off things like:

1. Most if not all Ghanaian women like or are looking for someone who will "Finance" stuff for them

2. Ghanaian women like "Free" stuff

3. Ghanaian women really enjoy using this phrase "Fa ma me" or "Fa ky3 me" (Give it to me and the literal translation for Fa ky3 me is Dash it to me)

4. She will call you and tell you she is hungry lets go and buy "Food"

5. Most Ghanaian women if not all, like guys who will take them out to eat "Fried " rice @ a Chinese restaurant.

6. On the way back from the restaurant she will tell you to get one for her "Friend" that's if

7. She didn't already ask you when you were leaving for the restaurant if her "Friend" could tag along.

8. If you are lucky she will ask you for desert, and she will want "Frankie's" ice cream

9. She might even ask you for money to buy "Fone" credits

10. She is like I would really appreciate it if you got me this "Furniture"

11. Most of them if not all are very "Feisty"

12. If you are not lucky she might make a "Fool" out off you.

The only thing that begins with "F" they don't want to her is

AFTER DINNER LETS GO TO MY ROOM AND F**K

Do you know off anything beginning with F that women like?

Sugar Mummy:We all need one!!

So guess you are wondering why chose this for my new post huh?
So i was talking to my friend about how Ghana make hard(meaning things are difficult in Ghana) and also the Ghanaian ladies are not helping. Even though they know that things are difficult now that's when they keep asking their bf's to buy them stuff. So my friend was like he's just met this Sugar Mummy (older women) who is willing to assist my friend if you know what i mean.

So a Sugar Mummy is an Older Woman who offers money or gifts to the young boy/man in exchange for companionship or sexual favours. by Barima Kwaku Osei Kwakye

Other defintions are:

1.Honey Mummy is an older woman who provides for younger boys/men. by urban dictionary

2.Cougar is female, usually between thirty to fifty years old who enjoys the sexual company of a younger man. urban dictionary

3. Puma is a woman in her thirty's who dates younger men. she's often considered a cougar-in training. by wikipedia.org

4. Gyaku-enjo-kosai is the opposite of enjo-kosai which is a Japanese practice where older men give money and other luxury gifts to attractive women for their companionship and possibly sexual favours. by wikipedia.org

Back to my story.... My friend was like uh huh!!! got it now!! .. so he went to a bar and met some fine woman sitting there sipping on a drink and he decided to chat her up. His intention was to hit and get out as fast as he could so he wouldn't spend money. Little did he know that he had stumbled on a GOLD mine. Now the Gold is not just about money, meaning he had gotten two things for the price of one.
1. Having sexual relations with a H.O.T.T woman on a regular with no pressure
2. Yea this where the money comes in.  A spending allowance to make the guy look "Legen---dary" like Barney Stinson(from How I Met your Mother) will say.

So I started asking myself these Questions
1. Wouldn't it be nice to go out once in your Life time with a girl that:
a. is not expecting you to pay for dinner etc
b. pays for her cab fare
c. buys her own credits

2. Where do you find Sugar Mummies?
I was reading a piece on askmen.com about sugar mummy's and in the article they said they best places to scout for sugar mummies is @ charity benefits, auction houses etc... but in Ghana I'm wondering where you would have to go to meet lovely Older Women

a. La Palm(The Casino)
b. GoldenTulip (The Casino)
c. Citizen K
d. Polo Club

I guess if it were me this is where i would scope out. Do know off any places that i should add?

3. So What to Say/Do to get the Sugar Mummies attention?

 I guess first you should look the part. Guys with grown ass faces better shape up so you like a (teletubie).
AskMen. gives a couple of pointers:
a.You must physically look good. I totally agree. sugar mummies are likely to want a six-pack or hard tummy and not a 1 ball if you know what I mean.
b. You need to dress to impress. It doesn't have to be any fancy label but at least what you wear should get you a second look. Well that's my opinion.
c.You need to show your youthful side whilst not letting yourself appear to be foolishly young . This may highlight the fact that she is older.
d. You have to invest a little to get a little. Do buy her an expensive bottle of wine or a cocktail

4. So What to Talk about?

What are you gonna say? Definitely you can not talk about Independence Day cos clearly she saw it happen and you only read about it years later. lol!!!!
but seriously what do you say to a potential Sugar Mummy?
Here are a couple of things
a. Don't talk about her money or money in general
b.Comment on her beauty and try and make her feel like she needs a guy like you in her life
c. Listen to her talk and try and relate to stuff she says so it kinda feels to her that you are in sync.
d. Whatever you do, don't bore her talking about yourself all the time cos if she was into you in the first place and you pull the I stunt she will lose interest super quick.
e.Try and look up some intellectual conversation topics just in case your potential Sugar Mummy is book long.

5. How to Seduce Her?
   a. I guess you don't have to. Leave it all up to her I guess. 
   b. any suggestion?


6. Do you really have to maintain the relationship?
    a. Yes
    b  No.
if a. why?? and if b. why?


7. Dangers to Avoid
   There are lots ofthings to avoid. Like the some Ghanaian movie I watched sometime back..
 a. She might Juju you(Thats if you believe in superstition)
 b. She might you arrested, if you make any plans of leaving her b4 she dumps you
 c. She will pour Acid on any girl that enjoys her money through you ie: even if the girl doesn't know she's spending 'Sugar mummy money'.
 d. Any ideas?


Something to think about:

1. According to the Biography Chanel UK
   a. A quarter of british married women are hitched to younger men

2. According to BBC,
  a The proportion of  brides in England and Wales marrying a younger man rose from 15% to 26% in the years 1963 to 1998.

Mtv Africa Music Awards

THE ROAD TO M.A.M.A: GHANA

Wow I can't believe it's finally here, Mtv Africa Music Awards. The train is almost here all aboard.
Yes most def, I will be there 35Ghana cedis
@ Citizen Kofi
Picture by:http://www.enjoyaccra.com/enjoy%20by%20night/files/citizen_kofi_entertainment_building.jpg
picture by:http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=2247256&id=95387005508

Chale but in these "Ecomoniscious times" like my boss always says i would have to tighten my belt. But I guess it's a small price to pay for an experience of a life time.

Question: Is there a way one could win free tickets to go see the M.A.M.A is Kenya? Seriously I need an answer.

Been dreaming about attending the M.A.M.A for a while now.

SO WHAT TO EXPECT AT THE M.A.M.A TRAIN

1. Sarkodie:
Government Name: Micheal Owusu
Songs: Baby, Alter , Boga , Yahu mu



2. Richie
Government Name: Richie Mensah
Songs: Frema, When I get to you girl, More of that



3. Wande Coal:
Government Name: Wande Ojosipe
Songs: Bumper 2 Bumper, You bad , Ololufe
Affiliates: D'Banj, Naeto C, Ikechukwu, Sid-Da Prince , Don Jazzy, K-switch


4. Others: Lovely women and drinks(Absinthe)

WHAT TO EXPECT FROM THE CROWD

I know i'll be jumping up and down like a kid with a new toy.For the rest of Ghana and I do not know, I hope it doesn't end up like the Ghana Music Awards (G.M.A's)

Can you believe the my Gh peeps @ the G.M.A's

D'banj
picture by:http://www.mytruspot.com/image.php?mode=band_image&band_id=2544


Naeto C
picture by: http://ladybrillemag.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/Naeto-C.jpg


Ikechukwu
picture by:http://b6.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/01037/65/46/1037326456_l.jpg



and Wande Coal came to perform some hot tunes from their individual albums and the audience are all standing there like ooh ok what F*** is going on. The only time when the crowd looked lively was when D'banj sang "Fall in love" and Naeto C and Ikechukwu did "Wind am well and Kini Big Deal" The crowd showed no appreciation for Wande Coal.

I guess now everybody knows Wande Coal "The guy who sang bumper 2 bumper" so the crowd would get of their asses and dance or something, but wait so will he only perform that song for Ghanaians , what about all the other songs on he's made like Ten Ten, You Bad , Ololufe etc What will the crowd do... just stand there like mannequins, I know i'll be rocking hard cos i know these songs but what about the million people that will be @ Citizen K.

Please GH don't make this event flop.
Plus we need to show the rest of Africa and the World that we ROCK!!!!!!!!

Waakye Party "Sunday"

I know I know that I have to write the PAYOLA piece I'll get to it.

So my weekend was great… mmmmhhh!!! Fun, nothing really extra-ordinary but the best part of it was when I heard there was going to be a Facebook Waakye Party on Sunday.

For those of you in the dark, Waakye is a popular Ghanaian dish often eaten as breakfast or lunch. It’s made by boiling rice and beans together (with a great plant dye to make it all pretty). The U.N has hailed it as a combination that can help stamp out malnutrition from the world. Info from: "http://www.africanfoods.co.uk/waakye.html"

So a couple friends and I or is it and Me...lol!!!! brofo y3 den!!!! (English is hard) literal translation but you guys get what I mean.

Well so we decided to get some waakye and see what the whole Facebook waakye was about.... but before I forget Big Ups to Auntie Muni... I miss my days in Labone but I still stay true though I'm no longer in the area.

We get there about 11:30am, trying to get there early so we don't encounter long lines and also beat the peeps coming from church. Smart huh!! Now you know I didn't go to church...

Thinking we would be there early, imagine my surprise to find that the place was filled up almost to the Tullow office in the area, so we had to park around there. The waakye line was also long but eventually it got to our turn.

Wow!!!! I have not seen so many people at one place all going to eat waakye or so it seems.




Any way it turned from a waakye eating activity to a regular Ghanaian drink-up/ party with "waakye "being used as an excuse... very smart idea!!!



I totally get them cos most or every-Sunday schedule in Ghana is the same :( one-way) for everyone:
1. wake-up
2. clean, bath and iron for church
3. church
4. home for lunch
5. fellowship/ youth meeting / sleeping
6. iron for school/work
7. watch a movie
8. sleep

If your schedule is different good for you.

but basically you get what i'm driving at..so i guess it wasn't a bad idea to put some spice in our "boring" Sunday lives.

So what will They think of next? Facebook Omotuo party or Facebook Fufu eating party?!!!!!!

:)

ITEM-13: The Fight for the Last Pastry

I wasn't going to write about this initially... i was going to talk "Payola" which i am gonna do tomorrow. So back to this post. I am sure you are wondering what ITEM-13 is?
"" You know when you attend a conference/workshop or seminar. after the talk or whatever, there are like pastries,biscuits,drinks etc ie reception... that's if the seminar provides that for its attendants if not tell your company to start...hahahaha. Well in Ghana that's what we call ITEM-13="pastries..small chops is a Ghanaian slang for savories etc"
Its the last "item" or "agenda" in the program line up so that's how it got its name..lol. Anyway enough intro lets get to business.. So today's post begins with
Mr. L

Mrs B

So yesterday the people i work for or should i say volunteer with had one of their numerous public lectures and yes you are right we had Item-13 for the guests and the staff. Well you know how Ghanaians get when they hear free food.. its all sanity out the door and welcome Mr. Caveman. During the course of the reception where almost everyone is being greedy, not surprised... Mr. L goes over to Mrs. B after having collected his share of Item-13 and tells Mrs. B that
Miss N

who for some weird reason everybody well not everybody but most people hate at work asked Mr. L to go pick up her share of Santa's gifts and bring it over to the office.
Now
1. Miss N was not at the seminar so automatically she doesn't deserve any savories.
Mrs. B then asks Mr. L which Miss N is he referring to.
Fast Forwarding

We pack the rest of the stuff to Mrs. B's office, with the intention that the rest of the savories are going to be put in the fridge so it doesn't go bad, after which they will be given to maintenance staff to motivate them clean up the room used for the reception. Mr. L walks into the office and asked Mrs. B if he could please have a word with her outside. She starts walking out the door when Mr. L says he wasn't pleased with the way she talked to him when he came over during the reception to request for some pastries for Miss. N and saying that she embarrassed him in front of people. Mrs.B then said she didn't think she made a mistake by asking the question. After a few words back and forth Mr. L changed his tone and started hurling insults at Mrs. B saying
1. Mrs. B is keeping some of the savories so she and her family can share
2. His wife (Mrs.L) can even cook better than what they have over there
3. Mrs. B has no right to do what she doing because its not her money
4. The next time there is a program He(Mr. L) will stand next to the reception table to make sure that all the savories are finished so that Mrs. B will not have any to take home.
5. He (Mr. L) will report to the committee so that Mrs. B does not hold any position in terms off catering for receptions etc.
Now Mrs. B in shock turns to a colleague of mine and says "This is what I was telling you about... people will come and say stuff like i am hoarding stuff"
Mrs. B then says
1. If I didn't supervise the reception everything would have gone bad and her name will be ruined and asked Mr. L if that he could have handled it better (rhetorically).
2. She also tells him that he Mr. L is a man and men don't fight over food.
3. Getting even heated Mrs. B says Mr. L is a Bush man...etc
Now Mrs. B is so pissed off and says to my colleague that she Mrs. B is not going to handle any reception ever again. and walks straight to one Dr. O to report the incident..well that's when i leave for home coz i didn't want to get caught up in any drama about who said what and who did what.
Upon reaching home i spoke to my boss and she said it went on for a while.


So whatz going through your mind.
Ever had any experiences?


Up next 'Payola'

Korle-bu: The Point Of No Return

You know how I mentioned in my earlier blog about social disparities and the shock of discovering the differences… well not so much of a shock…. between the urban and rural areas? Well, I had another shock last night when I accompanied my mum the beautiful Dr. A to Korle-bu (Main Teaching Hospital in Accra) to go see my Ex-Uncle…. Lol yea I know Ex-Uncle. mmmh where was I.. Ah yes so we go see my sick Ex-uncle who was rushed to the emergency room @ Korle-bu.

So my mum takes the lead inside while I park the car, following afterwards.

I finally get there and my mum is nowhere to be found plus I can’t call her coz she has my phone and all. So the only thing I could do was wait for her at the entrance which I did.

While waiting I begin to hear someone scream and howling in pain, naturally I shouldn’t be worried coz I know they are in good hands since they are in the hospital(Obviously) but she keeps going on and on plus the nurses are sitting around not doing anything to help her coz they have already given the lady a drip. I think she should be around my age. I was like “geez” she is in so much pain I couldn’t even begin to imagine how she felt.

I started looking round and then realized that there were not enough beds for the sick patients and the staff lacked the motivation to relieve patients off their pain. Can you imagine yourself working trying your best to help your company grow while the infrastructure isn’t available, wouldn’t you find it stressful? There was another guy in a bed next to me who need blood coz he looked anemic plus he also needed surgery cos of a huge lump extending out of his lower chest area. He had just been given something to ease the pain but had been not given the blood even though he looked like he really needed it. It was a Catch-22.

But something funny and a little ironic happened as well. Earlier in the day my boss told me a story about how she sat in a taxi going to a funeral a couple of years back and the people she sat next to were bashing/talking trash about the family who were bereaved. It was only later when they all met at the house where the funeral was that they realized that my boss knew the people who they had just bashed. There was shock on and horror all over their faces.

Well the same thing happened to me at the hospital last night. So you know how my mum went in before I did right? The nurses and doctors didn’t know I came with her. I think my mum made a call to their Superior and asked her if she could get someone to look after my Ex-Uncle and if possible transfer him to ICU (Intensive care unit). Let me just say they did know my mum was a Doctor. Guess what I’m standing there waiting for my mum to show up and these Health workers are busy talking about how there’s a woman in one of the emergency rooms with a patient and she’s giving commands and how she called the boss Dr. L and trying to get the patient moved so he gets special attention. They also made a statement about how if the patient is giving extra treatment, whether they (Health workers) would get visas? So they keep going on and on till Dr. A comes and says thanks everybody for being so nice and now mentions her name and they all go silent… what gave them the final blow came.. when my mum came over to me and said she was done and that we should leave. You should have seen the look on their faces… it was golden…..I am sure they felt really stupid…

Their Life, Your Life

After what i experienced a month, ago i think i have to re-evaluate the way i see things and ease up on a lot of stuff. OK here goes..... I took a trip... a month ago, to go say whats up to ma peoples in the 9 part of town(Volta Region). so i know conditions are not really good in these rural areas... but not this bad. I mean seriously people in the urban areas compared to them are living luxurious lives and we are taking so many things for granted.We got there on Sunday 1st of February 2009, the first thing that was on my mind was a nice hot bath and comfortable bed and a socket to plug my laptop and by some stroke of luck a really nice *chop bar(local restaurant) so i fill up my stomach. Thinking like a city kid(child).

So we get to the guest house and i am like ooh ok this is not bad i can live here for 5 days.
So i ask my supervisor whether that's the place we are going to stay and she says yes..... but that's the housing for the females and the male housing is a little further down. So we get there and I'm like huh!! they always say don't judge a book by its cover but when i entered the room i realized this book can be judged by its cover... Chale the ceiling was just the Zingli(aluminium roofing sheets) there were no sockets in the room and the fan blew heat instead of a cool breeze. ooh yea before i forget there wasn't a W.C but a shweetom(pit latrine). So i tell myself if i ever wanna use the bathroom i will definitely go and use the one at the girls side and not guys. Do you know how many kids would consider this as a punishment.(boy are we spoiled).

So i set up all my stuff still disappointed about not being able to use my laptop or have a nice hot bath, but then i decide to take a walk and survey the whole area to find out what i am working with. I kinda realized all the housing in the area, well not all but most of the housings in the area were made out of mud. Seriously i counted the number of brick houses in the area and i being honest and not exaggerating it wont be more than 10 trust me.(seriously its a sharp contrast) So Monday comes and we start with the work we have to do, going round taking co-ordinates and asking question so we get to this old man and this dude asks for 30gp(22 us cents) and says he's gonna take some shots(alcohol: whisky, vodka etc) with it.... so i ask myself what kinda shots is this dude gonna take coz, in Accra i definitely know that 30gp(22 us cents) will either get you a shot of alomo(local drink) herbafrique or even no shots at all...I doubt you could even get a bottle of Coca Cola.so i start to think when me and my boys go out to drink we spend more than 40ghc total at a bar. I mean not only me and my boys. Which bar or pub have u been to in Accra that has 30gp(22 us cents) worth of shots.....lets see Twist....Purple pub.....Celsbridge....HoneyS...Champs....Uncle Jerry's(East-Legon)...the list goes on and on.. If you find any let me know coz i wanna reduce cost when i step out.

You know how we always complain about how when we go out its one way(the same thing)....kinda like its always a drink up or like we are going to celsbridge or a club or something.. The people in the rural areas live a totally different lives. From what i saw and what i think, i might be wrong but i believe there's a lot of monotony and also they sleep extremely early. Some people might think i am being patronizing... but i am just trying to compare living situations and it seems like we take things for granted in the urban areas.